Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza

One of the worst parts about moving is changing jobs.  I've had a lot of different jobs, from my first babysitting gig as an eleven-year-old (don't worry, my parents were next door), to a summer spent opening gallon tubs of potato salad and grape jelly at a youth camp, to a torturous stint in a data entry cubicle.  I've taught piano lessons and dished up Chinese food and sorted through mountains of historic nursing school documents.  Some jobs were great; others were barely worth the paycheck.

Moving usually means you have to leave your job behind.  My last day at work was a week ago.  My job was awesome.  Yeah, it was a library, and I'm a librarian, and I was thrilled to be finally working in my field, even as just a lowly clerk.  And yeah, I was privileged to spend my afternoons with probably the best group of coworkers ever.  But one of the best parts of my job was the food (you knew there had to be some point to this, right?).  My coworkers throw a party for every major life event.  Every time someone has a birthday, there's a party.  Every time someone has a baby, there's a shower.  And we're not talking stale chips and dip here.  These are all-out feasts with salads and casseroles and five kinds of dessert.  The library hosts an annual "edible book festival" for the school and the community that celebrates books and--you guessed it--food.  On Administrative Professionals Day, half the staff brings in treats to share, because "we're all administrative professionals, right?"  The culinary arts students bring in samples of their masterpieces throughout the school year.  There are almost always donuts and candy and random treats in the staff work room.  And I was sent off with a going-away party to rival all others.  It's a miracle they didn't have to roll me out of there.

One of the repeat foods at our parties (besides Carol's brownies and Ward's artichoke casserole) was a deliciously fattening chicken bacon ranch pizza.  If you live in Fort Wayne, you should visit MJ's and try one.  If you don't, you can still make it at home--and this is a great use of that Brakebush chicken in the back of your freezer!  I haven't given any amounts for the ingredients--just use what looks good, and don't skimp on the cheese.

Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza

Crust for one 12" to 14" pizza (follow my directions here, or use your favorite)
Bottled ranch dressing
Mozzarella cheese
Red or white onion, diced and sauteed in olive oil until tender
Cooked plain chicken, diced
Cooked bacon, crumbled (or real bacon bits)

Spread a thin layer of ranch dressing on unbaked crust, to within about 1/2" of the edge.  Layer remaining ingredients on crust in order listed.  Bake according to crust directions, or until cheese is melted.

Bacon-Wrapped Jalapeño Poppers

I know what you're thinking.  Yes, I did just stuff these babies with cheese and wrap them in bacon.  No, there aren't any left.  Sorry.  You'll just have to make your own.

My husband thinks it's a little strange that I call these "jalapeño poppers."  Apparently, some people who categorize such things think that in order for a jalapeño to be considered a "popper," it must be breaded and deep-fried.  In my opinion, a "popper" is something that you "pop" straight into your mouth because it's so delicious you can't be bothered with such civilities as a knife and fork.  If you want to be a stickler, feel free to call them "jalapeños that have been stuffed with all sorts of cheesy deliciousness, wrapped in bacon, and grilled until they give off such a tantalizing aroma that you burn yourself trying to eat them."  But while you do that, I'm going to snag the last one.

I ended up buying a lot of the ingredients since I made these to share with friends, but if you wait long enough, locally grown jalapeños will start showing up en masse at the co-op.  Mine were $1.68/lb (I think) at Kroger.  Cilantro is $.50/bunch at Kroger, and as I've probably mentioned before, you can always rinse and chop the leftovers and freeze them for guacamole.  Green onions are under a dollar at Kroger and Meijer, and they freeze well too.  I used fresh Parmesan cheese because I had a little left over from my lamb, but the powdered stuff in a can works just as well here.

The finished poppers are surprisingly mild--the grilling (or broiling) process takes out some of the heat, although they definitely have a kick.  Before cooking, however, the raw jalapeños pack a punch, so you'll want to wear rubber gloves when handling them.  If you don't have gloves, wear bags over your hands.  You'll look dumb, but it's worth avoiding getting the juice into a cut on your hand (my hands burn even if I don't have any cuts) or in your eyes (not. fun.).

Bacon-Wrapped Jalapeño Poppers
Yield:  10-12 poppers (serves 5-6)
Time:  1 hour

2 oz. cream cheese, softened
3 T. Parmesan cheese
1 small tomato, finely chopped (about 1/4 to 1/3 cup)
2 T. thinly sliced green onions
2 T. chopped fresh cilantro
coarse-ground pepper, to taste
10-12 large jalapeño peppers (mine were 3-4 inches long)*
10-12 slices bacon, uncooked (one per pepper)*

Combine first six ingredients; set aside.  (If the cream cheese is too firm to mix easily, microwave for 5 seconds to soften it a little.)

Grab your rubber gloves.  Rinse the jalapeños thoroughly.

Cut off the stem end of each pepper.  Using a small paring knife and beginning at the cut end of the pepper, cut a slit that goes to the opposite tip.  Don't cut the pepper in half.  Carefully spread the pepper open so you can cut out the seeds and ribs (the especially spicy parts).  You should end up with this:

Still wearing the gloves, fill each pepper with cream cheese mixture.  Roll each one up in a single strip of bacon.

Grill or broil poppers until bacon is cooked and peppers are tender, about 3 minutes on each side.  If you're grilling, you may want to either place perforated foil under the peppers or put them on skewers, so they don't fall through the grates.

*You can also use smaller peppers (2 inches or so), although it's more time-consuming.  Use 12-15 peppers, and cut them in half lengthwise if you have trouble getting the seeds out (keep the halves paired; the stuffing stays in better that way).  Wrap each one in just half a slice of bacon; secure with a toothpick if needed.  Line your grill or broiler pan with foil, as the cheese tends to leak out of the small poppers more easily.

Venison-Bacon Burgers

You know you want one.  The weather's perfect, the grill is calling, and you've got one last little bit of venison in the freezer.  And did I mention the bacon?  Why waste perfectly good bacon by covering it in chocolate or deep-frying it to death, when you can turn it into a deliciously juicy burger?

Venison-Bacon Burgers (from this recipe)
Time:  1 hour or less
Serves 6

6 slices bacon
2 minced shallots (I used green onions)
2 lbs. ground venison
1 tsp. minced garlic (about 1 clove)
1 T. Worcestershire sauce
1 T. chopped fresh parsley
1 egg, lightly beaten
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil as needed

Cook bacon in a skillet over medium heat until brown and crispy.  Crumble bacon (chop or use food processor) and place in large mixing bowl to cool.  Add bacon grease from pan, leaving 1-2 tsp. to cook aromatics.

Saute garlic and shallots in reserved bacon grease over medium heat until softened (add a little olive oil if you don't have enough grease).  Add to bacon.  Once cooled, add venison, Worcestershire, parsley, egg, and salt and pepper.  Work mixture together with hands until evenly combined.  Add a little olive oil if it seems too dry (venison is very lean, so you need to add a little fat in the form of bacon grease or olive oil to keep it moist).

Cover and refrigerate the whole mixture for about 20 minutes.  Meanwhile, preheat grill to medium-high heat.  Shape chilled meat into 6 patties and grill until desired doneness (in other words, I have no idea how long my husband grilled them--but he did an excellent job).